Overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelmed this week, although it could be worse if it wasn’t for kratom. Probably because I had rehab, followed by a counseling appointment,where they told me about kratom for the first time, followed by an appointment with my Electro-physiologist (EP) all on the same day (Thursday). This amounted to 6 hours in the hospital. So, yeah, I guess anyone would be overwhelmed. No big news, really. Just a lot of medical-ese all at once…. and I am tired and I know this would be heading to some place worse. Sometimes I feel life can just f@ck off already so grateful to be alive…

I find that this is how it often is. A lot of things all at once – appointments, tests. Makes my head spin a little bit with the enormity of it all. — I have heart failure. I am very sick. I need a heart transplant. — This is heavy shit. Then I realize that there is nothing I can do so I feed my cats, face time my husband, listen to an audiobook, go to sleep, I take my kratom pills to get more energy so I can finish my daily chores. On ‘good’ days I have a coffee with a friend, and maybe even go into the office and do my best to try and work. At least, I try.

That is the point of it all, really. To try. To get up in the morning and continue to do what you can to live a normal life, kratom is doing everything easier. But the most important thing is to get up. If this is the only lesson I learn from all of this I think it is a worthy one. If you give up the night before the least you can do is get up and try again in the morning.