• February 5, 2017

    A Mind of My Own and the Heart of Another

    What can I say? It has been a while. Perhaps too long. Perhaps just long enough. Or even too soon. I don’t really know. I would love to tell you that I have been happy, and I have been – but it’s complicated. I would love to tell you that all is well with our […]
  • June 7, 2016

    Doctors are people too

    Like Alice I followed the white rabbit down the hole. Down, down, down I went into a strange, frightening world, where nothing made sense, and I had no control. Opening doors, meeting strange creatures. Around every corner there was something new, something else that revealed itself to be an imposter, a sinister cheshire cat just […]
  • March 20, 2016

    What is normal, anyway?

    Anne Geddes Wallpaper Baby 4
    I sit here and I mourn a life I would never have. My heart screams out not understanding how we got here. Either one of us. All we know is that we have great joy because of the life we lived, but also a deep underlying sadness that we need to let go of, and, […]
  • February 21, 2016

    She Called Me Jill

    I paused, took a deep breath, and rang the call button from within the bathroom. I heard the door to my room open and Carrie call out.
  • February 17, 2016

    Imposter Syndrome

    I sat down in my office at the university, breathed in deeply, and sighed. I had visions of this moment. When I was laying in bed at the hospital, or at home, where the hours were endless. I pictured it in my mind. I would say to myself “Just hang on. You will get back […]
  • September 13, 2015

    A Powerful Knowing – On Gratitude and Purpose

    BC Transplant Speaker Series
    This past Thursday, I came likely as close as I ever will to meeting my donor family. I was speaking at BC Transplant about my journey through a decade of heart failure, stroke, ICD, LVAD, and waiting for my transplant. Where I had the amazing fortune of meeting a donor family member – not mine – but I tried to speak to […]
  • August 27, 2015


    Delirium from The Sandman
    What I was going through mentally in the days following my transplant is what I have been told is a common(?) side effect from prolonged exposure to the anesthetic called delirium
  • August 21, 2015

    Back to Black

    How can I possibly follow my last post? What can I say, how do I say it? These are the thoughts that have been plaguing me. That is, until I realized as I wrote those two questions down that my thoughts aren’t actually about writing or posting at all.
  • February 6, 2015

    When Monkeys Become Eagles

    The walls are clean, they have been painted, they have been repaired to hide the damage to that part of me that will remain broken. I wake up everyday and see the evidence of my battles, the angry red scar that runs down the middle of my chest that seems to part me into two halves. Is this is […]
  • December 6, 2014

    The Call

    Big Storm
    Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. — John Kabat-Zinn You know that moment? That moment you realize that your life is going to change? Has to change? WILL change? One caveat, however, you don’t get to decide when it will happen – it will just happen. This is what it’s like waiting for a […]